the comparision hole

please come out

Year Seven - Casual Polar Bear

I was on TikTok recently, doomscrolling—as one does at 2 a.m. when I had to wake up early for work—when I came across someone’s profile. Someone I knew. I don’t even remember how I got there, but once I did, I couldn’t stop scrolling. Before I knew it, I had gone down a rabbit hole. Thankfully, I managed to pull myself out before I got too far gone.

What rabbit hole, you ask?

The comparison hole.

Google defines comparison as “a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.” Merriam-Webster calls it “an examination of two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities.” But if you ask me, comparison is what’s killing the youths. And I don’t mean that lightly.

From that little story I just told, I’m sure you already know where it ended. But in case you didn’t guess: I went through her entire page. Every post, every caption, every smile, every filtered video. And the entire time, I was comparing her life to mine. It was excruciating. I felt so… inferior. I don’t even know why I’m being this honest right now, but that’s the word that comes to mind. Inferior. Small. Insufficient.

Sure, I could have done the usual thing—told myself she’s probably faking it for the internet, that it’s all just glitter covering a mess, that her real life is probably falling apart. But the truth is, I don’t think she is pretending. And that made it worse. Her life actually seems really good. And honestly? If mine looked like that, I’d show it off too.

Not long ago, I saw a tweet that said something like, “No matter how bad you have it, always remember someone has it worse.” I read that and immediately thought, what the actual hell is this person talking about? So I quote-tweeted it, said what I had to say, and, well… the tweet kind of blew up. The original poster ended up deleting theirs. (Lowkey, I hope we didn’t bully her. I wasn’t trying to be mean—I just think that kind of thinking is toxic.)

evidence

I hate that we live in a world where we feel the need to measure ourselves against others in order to feel better—or worse. It’s a losing game. It’s unhealthy. And it’s everywhere.

So how do we fix this?

I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out.

After I saw that girl’s TikTok, I’m not proud of it, but I had to block her. Not because she did anything wrong—she didn’t—but because I couldn’t stop spiraling. I knew I’d go back and fall into that comparison hole all over again, and I didn’t want to feel like that anymore.

Then came the mental breakdown. I cried. I told myself I was miserable and sad and deeply unhappy. I cried some more. And then I fell asleep. It was a lot. (I tend to call myself dramatic when I get vulnerable, like I’m trying to beat other people to the punch. I need to work on that.)

My Crashout on my burner

But here’s the thing I’m learning, slowly and painfully: I exist in my own world. This is my life, independent of anyone else’s. We’re all walking through life at the same time, but we’re not walking the same paths. My story doesn’t have to look like hers—or his—or yours. And yes, looking at others can sometimes motivate you. But you have to be careful. There’s a line between inspiration and self-destruction, and once you cross it, it’s hard to find your way back.

So if you catch yourself falling into the comparison hole, I hope you find a way out. I hope you remind yourself that someone else’s highlight reel doesn’t invalidate your reality. I hope you know that your timeline isn’t broken just because it doesn’t match someone else’s.

And if you have to block someone to protect your peace?

Do it. No guilt.

Editor’s Note

Hi guys, how are we doing? Are we good? (Please say yes.)

I’m good too—thank you for asking.

I’m really sorry for the delay on the next chapter of Unexpected Heat. I just need a little more time. I don’t want to rush it and end up writing something that feels off or forced.

Thanks so much for your patience and for sticking with me. I promise, it’s coming.

Anyways, this is the song I’m listening to right now