Status Report
why dont i have a valentine?
I think it is only fair to let you know what is happening in my love life before I start giving unsolicited opinions about love and relationships. You deserve to know my qualifications, or in this case, my lack of qualifications.
Unfortunately, there is nothing to report.
I will not get too deep into it, but my being single is a combination of many things. A huge one is that I am simply not ready. And honestly, that excuse does not even fully convince me. Even in my state of unreadiness, I am making no real preparations to be ready. It is less about readiness and more about the fact that I have not met someone who makes me want to commit. I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth. I have not met anyone who has given me a reason to want to build something real. A relationship feels far off. I have not been in love in a long time.
Some people might argue that my inactivity is because the dating streets are chaotic and filled with warlocks who desecrate love. I am admittedly a lover girl. I do have standards. They are probably not even what you think, and they apply to me as well, though maybe not perfectly. Still, I refuse to compromise on certain things I expect from a partner.
I also do not really believe in preparing for love like it is an exam. When you meet your person, or your people if you are poly, you just know. Yes, you should feel somewhat stable in your life. Yes, readiness matters. But when you are truly in love with someone, and you know it is not unrequited, does readiness even matter as much? If the other person is willing to take that leap with you, does it matter if your life is not perfectly arranged?
To me, the love of your life should be someone whose absence feels worse than their presence in your incomplete life. That is what I want. And since I have not felt that with anyone, I suppose I will be single for a while. Honestly, I do not mind.
I am not without fault. I rarely let my interactions get too personal. I talk to people long enough for them to form an attachment, but not long enough for me to. If I like someone and realize I cannot have them in the way I want, I disappear. It is a bad habit.
Case in point, someone I met in 2024. I liked him. We talked, we kissed, we enjoyed each other. But we were not in the same place in life, and that difference showed up everywhere. Nothing concrete could have come from it. Normally, I would have been fine keeping it casual. But that is not what I want anymore. So I removed him from my life. We never had a dramatic conversation about it. I doubt he even noticed.
I am slightly ashamed to admit that this has happened more than once, though not always for the same reason. Sometimes it was distance. Other times it was simple misalignment. For a while, I felt embarrassed by the number of almosts I could have had. All those could have been stories. But I do not beat myself up about it the way I used to. Not every connection is meant to become a commitment, and not every exit is a failure.
Dating in your twenties is strange (and I know it’ll only get stranger from here). There are people you want deeply but cannot build with. There are people who are not evil, just not aligned. Sometimes there is no spark beyond the physical. My rule is simple. If someone clearly fits in one category, do not force them into another.
So what is the real problem with dating right now?
People are lying.
They lie to others, and they lie to themselves. You meet someone you genuinely like and would explore something serious with, but they say they only want sex. Instead of being honest about wanting more, you shrink yourself and pretend you are fine with less. Now you are in an unrequited situation you built yourself.
Or the opposite happens. You meet someone, and you only want something physical. There is nothing wrong with that if you communicate it clearly. But the other person wants a relationship. They tell you that. Instead of walking away because you do not want to seem cruel, you play along just long enough to get what you want. That is where things become unfair.
Dating feels insane because honesty feels rare.
Part of my New Year’s resolution is to actually try. Not in a desperate way. Not in a performative way. I mean, truly trying to connect with people. Giving situations a fair chance. Being honest about what I want and allowing other people to do the same.
So that is my status report. No Valentine. No tragic heartbreak. Just standards, self-awareness, and a commitment to stop lying to myself.
Maybe next year the report will be different. Or maybe not. Either way, at least it will be honest.