Lighter rant

A rant with a lighter in my hand

I remember when my world was small.

I remember when my biggest problem was getting good grades. I was too young to understand anything about the future. All I really cared about was my birthday party so I could wear a pretty dress, take gifts to school for the kids, and take pictures. I love my parents—though they used to piss me off a lot more back then. Now it’s maybe 60% less. Growing up gave me more space, I guess. That’s what I’ve noticed: as I grow older, my world keeps getting bigger, and somehow I feel farther from people.

In primary school, that tiny world was everything—school, home, and the multiple visits to my grandma’s place. That was the entire universe I was limited to. Then I grew older, my world expanded, and people who once filled it just… got lost in the size of it. Not because they mean less, but because neither of us is willing to be constantly present in the other’s world. Making space for people so they don’t go missing as your world grows—that’s how you form real connections, in my opinion.

My world is no longer small. It’s quite large now. Very large.

But sometimes I miss when it was smaller, and times were gentler, and not… complicated.